We all know we’re supposed to try ‘new’ things in bed to keep everything spicy. But what if you can’t think of anything?
Lots of couples think the ‘new’ thing has to be something crazy kinky to work. It doesn’t.
The trick is to try one or two small things and build from there.
Here’s some ideas to get you started:
TAKE TURNS TO PLAN A SEX NIGHT
The person whose turn it is decides what you’re doing (take a browse through my blogs for inspiration), when, where, how, organises any props you need, and is the instigator. This forces each of you to adopt different roles as giver and taker.
ADD A NEW POSITIONS FOR INTERCOURSE AND ORAL
You’ll find some here. If you’re in a rut, you’re probably using one or two positions on a regular basis. Choose at least six others, try them out over the next few sessions and you should end up with an extra two or three that you like.
Also add in some of the oral sex techniques from this blog, or this one over the next few sessions.
By now, you should have found at least five or six new things you both enjoy (don’t expect to like everything you try!). The trick now is to keep going!
Search online for a few good sex sites that you enjoy (mine, Em & Lo, Good in Bed and check in at least once a month to try out some of their suggestions.
WHAT IF I TRY SOMETHING NEW AND THEY HATE IT?
Everyone has their own, unique erotic blue print. So it’s ridiculous to think what works for one person is going to work for all.
Having said that, I know from experience that it’s totally gutting if your signature sex move leaves someone cold. But resist getting huffy you must. It’s not personal, it’s just their personal taste.
If your partner discreetly lets you know whatever you’re doing is not for them, ask them how you can alter what you’re doing to suit their taste.
If they react rather obviously or forcibly (which can happen with unwanted anal play or testicle fondling), pretending nothing’s happening is a bit like denying you’re having an affair when you’ve been caught in flangrante delicto. Acknowledge it simply by saying ‘Sorry! I thought you might like it but it’s fine that you don’t’.
If it’s somewhere in between and you’re sensing they don’t like it but are too polite to say so, stop, laugh and say ‘This isn’t impressing you at all, is it?’.
If it’s the other way around and you’re on the receiving end, be polite but be direct – especially if it hurts or you really don’t want them to go there.
Simply remove their hand (penis, vibe, carrot, horses head) and say ‘Thanks for trying but I don’t really like that’. If you can follow it up with ‘But I loved it when you did that – can I have more of that please?’ even better.
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