Whether you’re finally indulging a lifelong fantasy, ticking off a 2016 resolution before the New Year’s Day deadline, or yielding to an idle whim, fisting can be an exhilarating adventure – if you follow strict guidelines. Yes I said strict; fisting is no one’s idea of a beginner activity.
As much as I’m going to faithfully and diligently report all the ins and outs on this one, I’m not going to be speaking from experience.
I am an absolute wimp when it comes to things like this – even though my gay, lesbian (and some straight) friends assure me that done properly, it doesn’t hurt.
Rest assured though, my fisting friends (did I really just say that?) have checked my research and confirm the below is accurate.
So here goes – but before we get into the guide, here are a couple of things to think about:
Do you really trust the person you’re about to do it with?
While we all know babies come out of one end and sometimes astonishingly enormous poos out of the other, anyone who hasn’t had a fist up either orifice would understandably have to really trust their partner to want to give it a shot.
There is a right way to do it.
Just like anal sex, you need to follow a procedure rather than dive straight in there.
Rule No 1: Don’t do it while drunk or on drugs – you need to be completely aware of what you’re doing. Both also tend to numb the area – what feels bloody marvellous at the time, hurts like hell the next day.
Rule No 2: It may feel uncomfortable, especially the first few times, but it shouldn’t really hurt. Stop if it does and if there is any sign of blood. (Some of my friends say a little bit of blood is quite normal but I’m sticking with the ‘no blood allowed’ theory).
Rule No 3: Again like anal sex, this isn’t something you’re going to accomplish in one sex session. Have patience and remember practice makes perfect.
But sometimes, it’s just not possible. Some women’s vaginas are just too small and the hands too big, and some people’s bottoms just can’t cope with it.
The step-by-step guide to vaginal fisting
Em and Lo do a brilliant, in-depth step-by-step guide in their book The Big Bang.
I’ve taken some of their tips and combined them with other tried-and-tested techniques approved by friends and other sources, to come up with this basic guide.
Check your hands and nails don’t have any rough spots Take off any rings, bracelets, watches etc.
Pull on a pair of unpowdered latex gloves They make it easier to enter and exit and also help stop the spread of disease. Add LOTS of lube (and continue to add it if needed throughout).
Get into position and indulge in some foreplay She’ll need to be aroused for her vagina to expand. Once you’ve done that, get her to lie on her back with her knees bent and prop yourself up on your elbows and knees.
Start with one finger Slowly work up to two, three, then four fingers, then, if she says she’s ready, press your fingers together (make like you’re imitating a duck bill) to make your hand as narrow and small as possible then begin to insert your hand (palm facing up and thumb folded in).
Get your partner to breathe deeply She should breathe out and bear down with her vaginal muscles (as she would if pushing out a baby), so she feels in control.
Rotate your hand slightly moving it back and forth until it enters the vagina then form a tight fist, keeping your thumb tucked in.
Hold still Ohmigod, you’ve done it! You’re inside. You’re probably feeling mightily turned on, she’s feeling mightily vulnerable. Hold perfectly still until she says she’s happy for you to move.
Make small movements The bigger the object you’re inserting, the smaller and gentler the movement. Try slightly twisting your fist or gently clenching and unclenching it. Thrust back and forth only when she’s feeling completely comfortable.
Add more lube if you think wet fisting sounds painful, imagine what it would feel like if she gets dry.
When you’ve both had enough, prepare to exit Tell her you’re about to, so she can prepare by bearing down and breathing deeply. Leave her slowly and gently by reversing all the instructions you followed to get in there in the first place.
Even if she panics and suddenly wants you to GET OUTTA THERE!, don’t pull out suddenly. Agree instantly to stop but still remove your hand slowly and gracefully.
The step-by-step guide to anal fisting
Read all of the above – it all pretty much applies – except you have to be even more careful!
Vaginas are used to things popping in and out of them (penises, tampons, babies, vibrators), bottoms tend not to see as much incoming traffic.
Other differences: vagina’s lubricate, bottoms don’t, vaginas are elastic, bottom’s aren’t quite so. You need to use good quality anal lube (thicker than the norm) double the lube and do double the checking all is OK for it all to go smoothly.
Get in training Start inserting a finger inside the anus on a regular basis, then work up to using an anal vibrator or dildo. (Only ever insert those with a flared base.)
The point when your partner is ready for fisting anally, according to experts, is when they can comfortably take a dildo that is around three inches wide.
Get into the doggy position and follow all the above steps for vaginal fisting Take into account all of the above warnings.
It’s crucial you talk to your partner during penetration. Ask them if it’s OK to push in further before you move a muscle or theirs could spasm painfully.
Expect it to take time to reach your goal. As Em and Lo wisely say, ‘Don’t expect to get your whole hand in the first time. Don’t expect to get your whole hand in the fifteenth time’.
A WORD OF WARNING FOR ALL FISTERS: It’s suggested you wait a few days before having intercourse (vaginally and anally) in case you have torn the lining of either.
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