Kinky sex is coming out of the closet: 84 per cent of us would like more ‘kink’ in our sex lives, and more people than ever identify with being ‘kinky’.
Voyeurism, masochism, fetishism – they’re all still classified as ‘deviant’ behaviours in the "holy bible" of mental disorders (that is, the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders).
But this may be about to change.
Many studies are emerging that quash the old belief that people who practise unusual sex are dysfunctional.
One of these was a 2016 study in Quebec. Out of 1000 surveyed adults, the study found that more than one third were interested in voyeurism; 26 per cent expressed interest in fetishism; and 19 per cent liked masochism.
Studies like this go some way to debunking the traditional view that people who enjoy this type of sex have something ‘wrong’ with them.
Often, people would believe that if you were into something like whipping or candle dripping, you’d most probably been abused or had a horrendous childhood, much like Christian Grey in the Fifty Shades series.
But scientific research has since proved that when it comes to consensual ‘kink’, the motivation is more likely to be a natural chemical high than it is playing out disturbed childhood experiences.
REASONS TO LOVE KINK
It releases endorphins that give us a high
Endorphins are our natural pain and stress fighters, which means that when we experience unfamiliar or painful situations, the body releases them into the blood stream where they interact with the opiate receptors in the brain to reduce our perception of pain.
They also make us feel happy.
Do something kinky that hurts a little – albeit in a pleasurable way – and our trusty endorphins flood in to help.
Science gives kink a big tick
According to a study in the Journal of Sexual Medicine, people who enjoy things like tie-up games, having hot wax dripped onto their bodies, and other mild BDSM score significantly higher on mental health tests than those who are strictly ‘vanilla’.
The study surveyed 900 BDSM devotees, and 434 people who defined themselves as ‘non-kinky’, and found the kinky people to be less neurotic, more secure in relationships and better at dealing with rejection.
Researchers concluded BDSM fans score better on mental health issues because they’re more aware of their sexual desires and less likely to hide things from their partners.
Being able to be open and honest sexually makes for a much happier, more balanced person.
It’s perfect for couples that are too close
Pushing the boundaries is a particularly good way to get you out of the ‘I feel like I’m having sex with my best friend’ feeling, which often hits most long-term couples who are close.
Doing something forbidden and taboo reintroduces the unpredictability and anticipation that helped create the sex you had at the start. It might feel like pure lust and excitement, but it’s the uncertainty that fuels the hormones which make it so great.
It improves communication and increases intimacy
The average couple are generally rubbish at telling each other what they need and want in bed, let alone giving specific instruction.
Safe BDSM sex isn’t possible without use of ‘safe’ words and effective, precise communication.
Letting someone do something that puts you in a situation beyond your usual comfort zone also requires a high level of trust.
Another study showed couples who tried kinky sex (that went positively) were closer afterward.
It can stop us being unfaithful
You don’t have to be a rocket scientist to figure that enjoying kinky sex alongside vanilla sex keeps thins more exciting.
Lots of people have affairs in a bid to shake up a stale sexual routine, but if you and your partner are communicating more openly and varying your sex life, it could mean less need to look elsewhere!
FANCY A BIT OF KINK?
The list of ‘kinks’ are endless, so you’re almost certain to find something that works for you and your partner.
Take your pick from spanking, anilingus (licking someone’s anus), having sex in public, pegging (anally penetrating your male partner), dressing up in women’s underwear (if you’re a man), a foot fetish, exhibitionism, voyeurism, BDSM, urolagnia (peeing on someone or letting them pee on you)… and the list goes on.
Remember, as long as it’s consensual, anything goes.
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