Question:
The other night I was really horny and initiated sex with my wife but she rejected me.
I fell asleep but later woke up to find my wife masturbating in bed beside me.
I feel upset and rejected by her preferring to do it herself when she could have had the real thing.
Answer:
I can understand how you would feel rejected and upset – you’re right, she basically told you non-verbally she’d rather have sex with herself than you.
One of several things is happening. First up, she might be feeling angry toward you and withdrawing sex as punishment. Or just confused with how she feels. How is your relationship? A sex problem is rarely just about sex.
Secondly (and this one might hurt!) she doesn’t find you sexually attractive anymore and would prefer to fantasise and masturbate to orgasm. It could also be, as much as she adores you, your actual technique is lacking and it’s more reliable to DIY.
Most women orgasm through oral sex or manual masturbation rather than intercourse. When you said you knocked back her advances did they include either of those or just intercourse?
Finally, it could be something as complexly innocent as her not feeling like sex, then changing her mind later and choosing not to wake you up.
All can be fixed by you having an honest conversation with her, trying not to have a knee-jerk reaction and making her feel comfortable enough to tell the truth.
