Given the popularity of a blog I wrote a few weeks ago called ‘How to give him best hand-job he’s ever had’, I thought a female version was in order.
Men are usually better at giving ‘hand-jobs’ to women because they’ve had more practice: all that time at ‘second base’ as a teenager, trying desperately to turn your girlfriend on so she’ll finally give in and go ‘all the way’ paid off.
If you want a quick takeaway, some of the best hand-job advice ever given to men is to “do everything half as fast and twice as softly as you think you should”.
Keep this as your hands-on mantra, combine it with the following and you won’t go far wrong.
If you’re a woman giving a woman a hand-job, you may already know lots of what I’m about to talk about. But have a whiz-through anyway, a refresher course never did anyone any harm!
THE BASICS
The warm up
Before you even think about paddling toward the little man in the boat (the clitoris, in case you’re wondering), try cupping the whole vulva (genital area) through her clothes and gently applying even, circular pressure.
Get into position
The usual (lazy) position involves reaching one hand down while kissing or lying beside her.
A far more practical one is to sit facing her between her open legs, while she’s either sitting or lying back with her knees up. Try her positioned on a chair/the side of the bed/kitchen counter, with you kneeling or sitting in front.
Stroke her thighs
One by one – fingers splayed and trailing up her inner thighs then over her vagina but not lingering – then use both hands to stroke up both thighs simultaneously. Keep going until her legs open wider and wider and it’s obvious she wants you to centre on her genital region.
Let her do the work
Start by holding your fingers against her closed labia and pay attention to how she positions herself and grinds against you. This is your clue to where she wants you to concentrate and how much pressure she requires.
At all times, her hip movements – how fast/slow and how furiously/gently she grinds against your hand – are your guide to the pressure and speed she’s craving. If she’s not grinding against your hand at all, you’re either doing it perfectly (gold star!) or she’s unsure of how you’ll react if she gives you feedback. All the more reason to….
Ask for feedback.
While reading her hip movements helps, if you think she’s up for it, far better to ask her to show you how she masturbates herself. The usual lesson you’ll learn from this, if she obliges: it’s better to run your finger around the clitoris than stimulate it directly.
While we’re on the topic, just as you hate her grabbing straight for the crown jewels, it’s also a really bad idea to ignore the labia lips and rush straight for the main attraction: the clitoris. If the clitoris is stimulated too early, too hard or too soon, the reaction you’ll get is more likely to be pain than pleasure.
Getting technical
OK, now we’re ready to (ahem) dive straight in there. But first, test how lubricated she is by gently running one finger along the crease of the labia lips.
Don’t be put out if she’s not sliding off the bed already. It could mean you’re not turning her on or need to prolong foreplay but everything from the taking the Pill to a yeast infection can also affect how wet she is.
Quite often, the lubrication is there, it’s just trapped inside. If you gently insert a fingertip inside the vagina, you can spread the lubrication around (but not directly on) the clitoris.
Moving onto the main stroke
Remember the ‘cupping’ you did as a warm-up? This is a variation.
Place your palm over her pubic hair and bend your middle finger so it’s angled to touch her clitoris. Cup her pubic area and use your finger to rub her clitoris up and down or in circles. Slide the two fingers next to it alongside so they stimulate the edges of the labia. Next, use your middle finger to make circles or figures of eights around the clitoris.
Your main stroke now involves touching and rubbing the shaft of the clitoris – the bit behind the clitoral hood (the skin which protects and covers the clitoris). Although most action does centre around the clitoris, it’s a rare woman who can cope with direct and prolonged stimulation on it.
The two golden rules
Rule No 1: DON’T change technique, especially when she’s heading straight for the ‘OhmigodI’mabout to stage. You think showing off an infinite variety of hand twirls will result in her saying, “Wow! You know so many ways to use your fingers!”
It won’t.
She’ll fix you with a look of rage and/or frustration (probably both) and say ‘What were you trying to prove? If you’d just kept on doing it the one way, it would have worked. Why did you have to be such a show-off?”.
Think one method, one speed.
The only thing that should interrupt the flow is if she’s not wet enough: the one thing she won’t mind you stopping for is to lubricate the area. In case That’s Rule No 2: use lube to keep things wet. It’s impossible for her to be too wet, but oh-so-easy to be too dry. Use lots and the minute you feel lubrication starting to dry up, add more.
But what happened to bringing her to orgasm simply by thrusting inside with my fingers?
Women don’t usually masturbate by thrusting a finger in and out of their vaginas, so not much point you trying to make them orgasm by using the same technique is there lads?
That’s not to say she doesn’t get dead excited and loads of pleasure from being penetrated. She might well strain toward you and want you to push your fingers further inside while you’re touching her.
It’s just that it’s unlikely to tip her over the edge as a solo technique, so make sure you combine it with clitoral stimulation.
Accept that the goal posts will change
Just when you think you’ve got it all sorted and found her secret spot, chances are she’ll change the rules. (I know, typical!)
Luckily, there is a solution (regular readers of my blogs, already know this one). Imagine the vagina as a clock face (bear with me, I’m not completely barking). The top (near her pubic hair) is noon. The lowest point (near the vaginal opening) is 6pm. When she starts sighing and squirming, chart the position (2pm/3pm whatever) and memorise it.
Not only do you avoid having to Superglue your tongue to the spot that seems to be working that session, you’ve now got the freedom to remove it to lick her breast, tummy and upper inner thighs before (magically!) returning to the exact spot which was driving her wild with lust.
If you’re prepared to share your secret, she can use the clock face technique to direct you there in the first place.
TO IMPRESS…
Imitate a spider
Yup. You read right. The ‘Pattes d’araignee’, chronicled in The Joy of Sex, is a way of touching which literally means ‘spider’s legs’.
Achieve it by using the pads of your fingers for the lightest possible touch, stimulating not the skin but the tiny hairs on the skin.
Start by following the line of hair from her belly button to her labia lips, then continue along the outside of the vagina, tracing the outer labia to move along the perineum to circle the anus and back again.
Not only does it feel fab, it’s a great way to introduce the idea of anal stimulation. Because it’s such a light, non-intrusive touch, even the most bottom-squeamish are unlikely to take offence! (You aren’t the only one to feel incredibly turned on by having a well-lubricated finger penetrate their anus!)
Get a grip
Try gently grabbing her pubic hair between your fingers and pull it in a circular motion so the clitoris is stimulated by the labia lips. A bit difficult if she’s had the lot waxed off, but worth a go otherwise.
Take a dip
Dip a finger into her vagina, then slide it upward, angled toward her belly, so the entire length presses against the clitoral area. Roll backward and forward in a slow twisting motion before moving back down to dip inside again.
Cross her legs
If she’s having trouble pushing over the orgasm edge, get her to sit up cross-legged, then press the soles of her feet together, legs falling naturally apart. Not only do you have better access to stimulate her, pressing her feet together can aid orgasm.
Go head to head
The head of the penis is wonderfully soft and ideal for stimulating her ultra-sensitive clitoris. Use your hands to guide the head of your penis up and down, stroking over the entire clitoral area.
