This is the third in a series of practical, technique-based blogs designed to give your sex life a refresh and make it sparkly and new again.
This week, the focus is on hand-jobs.
GIVING HIM A HAND-JOB
BRUSH UP ON THE BASICS
Left or right-handed? Choose your position depending on whether you’re right or left handed. One side’s going to feel way more comfy and easier than the other.
Make sure you have room to move, are easily able to use both hands and he’s at the right height to manipulate easily. This means the lazy option of ‘I’ll just lie beside him on the bed’ is out.
Get him to show you how he masturbates and copy it as exactly as you can. Men give themselves a lot of hand-jobs and he’s got it down to a fine art. Pay particular attention to exactly where he places his hand/fingers at the start.
Imitate how he holds his hand – he’ll usually make a loose fist or he’ll put all his fingers on one side and thumb on the other – then start your hand-job exactly where he started his. Watch whether he works right up and over the shaft or just to the rim of the head.
You have two hands, use them. If they’re not both working on his penis, one should be fondling his testicles, pressing on the perineum, indulging in some anal play, tweaking his nipples…
As a basic rule of thumb: the harder you hold, the slower the stroke. When you loosen your grip, speed up the strokes.
CHECK YOU’RE NOT GUILTY OF…
Not customizing. The size of his penis dictates the pressure you should use. Generally, use a lighter touch for smaller penises and a good, firm hand for the big boys.
Not using lube. Saliva is OK, using the little bit of pre-ejaculatory fluid some men leak early on is better but best for a hand-job is always a dollop of lube. Not so much that there’s no friction but enough so it’s a nice, slippery ride.
Giving up after a few minutes. Women are particularly prone to saying ‘You do it’ after a few minutes of half-hearted fumbling – often because they’re not really sure what to do. This is what this blog is about (type hand-job into the search and you’ll find other guides by me).
NOW TRY THIS
A new position:
Stand behind him and reach your hands around.
He stands, you sit on the bed in front of him or both sit on the side of the bed, you stay upright, he gets to lie back.
Straddle him and sit lightly on his tummy, facing his feet.
A new technique:
Slide upwards till you reach the head then pause, rub your palm over the head in a small circle, then let your hand drop down the other side of the penis until you’ve back at base camp but on the opposite side with hand facing the opposite way. Then reverse.
Alternate 10 slow strokes with one quick, firm pump up and down. Add an extra pump as you keep going.
Roll his penis between two flat palms as though it’s pastry.
Make two rings around his penis with the thumb and index finger of each hand. Place them next to each other in the middle of the shaft then continually slide in opposite directions simultaneously.
Wear a bead necklace to bed (check there are no rough edges first – use an emery board to smooth), then take them off, slide them through your hands or wrap them around your hand or the shaft of his penis and slide up and down.
Add anal play. Slide a well lubed finger inside his anus as you continue to work on him.
Slide on a stroker or a male masturbation sleeve if you really want to make his day. Pull it over his erect penis, hold the base and move it up and down.
GIVING HER A HAND-JOB
BRUSH UP ON THE BASICS
Unless she’s very, very wet, add some lube and touch her slower and gentler than you think. ‘Too rough’ is the most common complaint.
Keep your strokes light, consistent and continuous. Yes, you are sensing a theme here…
Don’t change techniques too often. This won’t score you brownie points but big, ugly black marks – especially if she’s on the verge of climaxing. Try one or two (max three) techniques at the start and settle on which she says feels best.
Be inventive but not offended if she constantly wants the same old thing. Lots of women have one particular stroke that does it for them. The only changes she may want you to make are to speed it up and use more pressure as she nears orgasm.
If she lifts towards your hand she wants a firmer touch. If she pulls away, go softer. If you get a sharp ‘Owww!’ and a filthy look, you’re just plain rough. Go to the bottom of the class.
Use the flat of your finger and the whole pad of your fingertip to rub or slide, rather than just the tip. It feels softer and covers a much larger area.
CHECK YOU’RE NOT GUILTY OF…
Stopping if she goes suddenly quiet, still and tense. She hasn’t just heard someone downstairs, she’s having an orgasm. Forget the thrashing ‘Yes, yes, yessssssss!!!!!’ you see in films, this is what lots of women do when they climax.
Thinking a hand-job is purely about thrusting your fingers inside her like a pretend penis. Not to say it doesn’t feel nice if you slip in and out occasionally (see below), just don’t forget to go back to the undisputed star of the orgasm show, the clitoris.
NOW TRY THIS
A new position:
Get her to sit with her legs spread, then sit behind her, your legs on either side of hers. Then use both hands on her clitoris or one on her breasts, the other down below.
Sit in a chair and get her to sit on your lap, facing you.
A new technique:
Rock. Slide your middle finger gently between her inner lips, then rock it from side to side.
Cross your middle finger over your index finger and slide them in and out of her, twisting like a screw. Use the fingers of your other hand to simultaneously circle her clitoris.
Change direction when you circle, moving first one way, then the other. Zig-zag, move up and down and pay particular attention to which side elicits the biggest moans. Lots of women are more sensitive on one side.
Insert a few fingers inside her, curving them up to the ‘tummy side’ of her vagina, with your other hand push down on her lower abdomen.
