I’m betting some of you have clicked on this just to have a bit of a laugh. Every guy knows how to masturbate, right?
While some women don’t start masturbating until their late teens or even late 20s, most men are quite practised at it by age 12 or 13.
But even if you’ve brought yourself to orgasm a thousand times, don’t smile smugly and skip ahead just yet.
The way you masturbate could be causing problems in your sex life with your partner.
Because of our illogical but pervasive perceptions about masturbation as a child – that it’s ‘naughty’ – your first masturbatory experiences as a boy were probably furtive and riddled with guilt.
‘Playing with yourself’ was something you got over with as quickly as possible – fabulous when you’ve only got three minutes before your Mum comes knocking, not so fabulous when you’re with a partner later on.
If it still only takes you a few seconds or minutes to masturbate yourself to orgasm, you’re probably intimately familiar with the term ‘premature ejaculation’ (orgasming too soon, before you or your partner is satisfied).
In effect, from a very early age you’ve ‘programmed’ your penis to ejaculate quickly by ensuring orgasm follows mere minutes (or seconds) after direct stimulation.
As they get older, most men relax into masturbation.
They have more privacy, no longer feel guilty and start experimenting with different techniques and varying sensations. The more you ‘hold off’ your orgasm when masturbating yourself, the more practised you’ll be at delaying it during sex with someone else. If you’re still using the same technique you applied when you were 13, it’s time to try something new!
Humour me.
Pretend this is the first time you’ve pleasured yourself. Pick a time and a place where you won’t be interrupted, don’t set any time limits and try one, or all, of the techniques listed below.
The aim isn’t to see which technique brings you to orgasm the quickest but to experience (and get your penis used to) different sensations. Masturbation isn’t and shouldn’t be something you do simply to ease tension. It’s an experience that should be enjoyed for its own merits.
Variety also helps with control. The longer time you take bringing yourself to orgasm, the longer you’re likely to last with a partner.
MAKING A FIST
Making a loose fist and running it up and down the penis is the most common way men masturbate, varying the tightness of the grip, speed of the strokes and length of the movement to suit individual preferences. Like women, men discover what feels best through experimentation.
The fist technique also works when you add a male masturbatory sleeve or ‘stroker’ to the mix.
You’ll find mine here. Strokers intensify the feeling and are brilliant for using both solo and with a partner.
Position: Most of the men I interviewed said about the only prerequisite for where they masturbated was privacy. If your flatmate or girlfriend is away for the weekend, you’ll do it while lounging on the couch watching telly. Standing in front of a mirror is also a common turn-on. However the most usual place is lying on the bed, legs slightly apart.
Technique: Most of you reach for some sort of lubricant first, and you aren’t too fussy what you use – soap, shampoo, baby oil, hand cream, Vaseline, your girlfriend’s super-expensive face cream (thanks, guys!) – whatever you can lay your hands on.
Personal lubricants like K-Y aren’t popular, though once used, men tend to stick with them. While the penis isn’t as sensitive to products as the vagina, a personal lubricant works more effectively. Invest in some.
The usual method is to make a loose fist, palm facing the side of the penis, starting at the top and moving down in a pumping motion which runs up and down the length of the penis.
Some men go right to the bottom of the shaft, others concentrate more on the head. Most men prefer to increase the tightness of the grip as their hands move over the head, others find their glans too sensitive and do the opposite. Rhythm is most important. No matter what stroke is used, keeping up a steady, constant rhythm is what builds sexual tension.
You might like to stroke, massage or hold your testicles with the other hand or rub the perineum, the area between your testicles and your anus. Some men also like to touch or pinch their nipples.
In the same way that women tend to concentrate on their clitoris, most men eventually focus on the frenulum.
The shaft is relatively insensitive and serves more to let your hand move up and down rhythmically. As your hand moves up and over the frenulum, try using a rolling action with your fingers and palm, manipulating the area firmly but not too vigorously.
You could also try squeezing the base of the shaft to increase sensitivity and maintain the erection.
As an alternative, use your fingers to gently stroke the penis and testicles until you achieve an erection, then use two or three fingers and your thumb instead of your whole fist to slide up and down. Or try holding a finger still over the frenulum and moving your other fingers and thumb over the front of the penis in a smaller movement.
Timing: Like women, how soon you reach orgasm depends on how horny you are and what porn you’re watching/person you’re fantasising about, but it also depends on factors like whether you feel stressed or tired. Most men reach orgasm fairly quickly – usually within two to five minutes – and deliberately slow it down or stop and start if they want to delay the inevitable. Try reversing your hand movement as you feel orgasm approach. Bend your wrist towards you so your fist is twisted and your palm now faces the opposite side of your penis. This shifts the stimulation to different areas.
The climax: When they feel they’re about to orgasm, most men increase their stroke so they’re moving up and down the shaft as rapidly as possible. Some grab hold of their testicles as they are ejaculating, claiming it makes the orgasm last longer; others grasp the bottom of the shaft for the same reason.
Once the orgasm starts, almost all men either slow down dramatically or stop stimulation completely. This is because the penis, particularly the head, is incredibly sensitive just after ejaculation (something partners often don’t understand, especially women, because lots of women like to be stimulated right through to the last spasm of their orgasm).
What do you do with the little pile of semen you’ve created? Most men either ejaculate straight into a towel or over their bodies, wiping it off with a tissue afterward.
USING A PILLOW
Rubbing against stockings or something silky is often how young boys first discover they can make themselves orgasm. While the first technique is certainly more popular, particularly if you’re dying for it, many men said they rubbed against a pillow when they were in a more mellow, sensual mood.
Position: Most men either stand or kneel with a pillow, folded over, in front of them. They then rub the penis in the fold and simulate intercourse. Others stand, place a pillow at groin level and move their penis and testicles over the top in a back and forth motion.
Just as some women swear they can orgasm simply by squeezing their thighs together, several men I interviewed said they’d been able to mentally will themselves to a climax in certain situations (and they were proud of it too – ‘Look Mum, no hands!’). After travelling for a week on the road with his friends (with no opportunity to masturbate), one man said he put a pillow over his lap, squeezed his thighs together, sat on his hand so he could massage his testicles and orgasmed simply by the pressure of his erect penis straining against his (by now rather tight) jeans. Now there’s a challenge for the guy who believes he’s tried everything!
Technique: Either pretend to have intercourse with the pillow, rubbing your penis in and out of the fold you’ve created, or rub your penis back and forth across the top. Use your hands to hold the pillow in place.
Timing: Some men use the pillow technique in much the same way as couples do foreplay, switching to using a fist or more direct stimulation once they approach orgasm. If they don’t switch to something else, the thrusting speeds up, just as it does during ‘real’ intercourse.
The climax: Some men clench their buttocks together as they continue thrusting but most use fantasy to push themselves over the edge or skip to a favourite bit in the porn they’re watching.
IN THE SHOWER
Masturbating in the shower is more common with younger men, probably because it’s the one place you’re guaranteed some sort of privacy as a teen. But even if you live by yourself, all that warm water gushing gently over your genitals, soaped-up, slippery hands washing your penis – the resulting sensations have made many a man forget about those work problems and focus on more pleasurable thoughts.
Position: Most men stand, usually facing away from the door (old habits die hard); others find it more comfortable to sit down. While soap is the classic lubricant, others find it irritating and use hair conditioner instead.
Technique: While with other masturbatory techniques most of you went straight for the goodies, the shower was one place where the rest of the body came into play. Some men started by soaping themselves all over (‘like a lover would’), and nearly all soaped and massaged their anus, perineum, scrotum and testicles before even touching their penis. From there, most moved into the first technique.
Timing and climax: Possibly because they didn’t concentrate exclusively on the penis or head immediately, most men said they took a little longer to reach orgasm this way. Another very obvious benefit? Cleaning up afterwards is a cinch!
